Obi-Wan in New York City
by QofNaboo
Summary: UPDATED 8/6 Obi-Wan crash-lands in NYC, meets two lovely girls, discovers Top Ten List of things that should've been in AOTC, oh, just read it!
1. Round Our Way

Greetings, mortals. Don't get me wrongo, I loved AOTC, but there were some things I was looking forward to seeing and didn't. So here's me taking out my frustration. This was originally a simple Top Ten list, but those aren't allowed on the ever-so prestigious FF.net (hear my embittered sarcasm?), so I cleverly disguised it as a story. Enjoy and review. (-_-)  
  
***  
  
"Enough of you, I have had!" Yoda tapped his gammer stick with brutal force against the cold marble floor of the Jedi Council room. A16-year-old Obi- Wan Kenobi winced at each wicked smack. "The last prank you will ever pull, this was," the old troll went on, "a dire punishment, you have earned."  
  
"With all due respect Master Yoda-" the youth began.  
  
"Time for you to speak, it is not, young Kenobi. Time it is for you to learn the true value of your surroundings."  
  
Obi gave the little green one a puzzled stare. Yoda smiled slyly.  
  
"In an unmarked escape pod, you will go, into the far reaches of the galaxy. Find your way home, you must."  
  
"Oh, wise, great, powerful, kind Master Yoda," Obi-Wan gave his most dazzling smile, "don't you think that's a little severe? After all, all I did was-"  
  
"Waiting for you, your pod is," Yoda turned and left the kneeling Padawan.  
  
***  
  
"Puff," Obi muttered to himself as he gazed out the round window of the escape pod. It was cold in here, and he hadn't taken an over robe. He had an itch in his boot, but the pod was too cramped to get it off. Argh.  
  
But what was this? A blue ball amidst the star-speckled blackness. A planet at last! Yay.  
  
***  
  
Caitlin dug a spoon out of the drawer and began to expertly mix her Ovaltine. Ahh, breakfast at 2 in the afternoon, life was good. She went into the living room, eyed the bootleg copy of AOTC on the table. Evil little thing, the rehab patients at the hospital she did community service thought they were getting her a gift. She wanted to smack them for sacrilege. But oh well, it would serve as a reference for her Zam Wesell costume, she figured. Speaking of, she went into her room to pick up her sewing, smiled at her several Obi-Wan posters. Mmm, Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
  
***  
  
"There's no need for alarm," Obi-Wan shouted at the very perplexed pedestrians as he stumbled out of the escape pod into a very crowded city street. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two uniformed individuals with sticks nearing him. Not good. "Excuse me," he said repeatedly as he tried to make his way through the crowds.  
  
"'Ey you! C'mere!" One of the officers called out and quickened his pace. Obi-Wan spotted a flight of stairs leading underground and tumbled down them. Apparently this was some form of transportation, and he was kept from riding it by a rotational metal bar. Hop! He careened into an awaiting subway car just as the doors slid closed. He heard a very satisfying thud as the more athletic officer slammed against the closed door. Obi-Wan cackled maniacally and grinned at the angry cop. The train started moving. Satisfied with himself, he turned around and leaned against the door.  
  
It was at this point that Obi realized he was very out of place. Nobody else had a tunic, or leggings, not even any bloody boots! What was WRONG with these people? Feeling self-conscious, he unhooked his lightsaber and rolled it around between his hands.  
  
"Rrrround ah wayee th' birds ah singin'" he sung to himself quietly as he observed the people around him, "rrrround ah wayee th' sun shiyeeenes brrriight."  
  
Suddenly he stopped and gulped. Three pairs of female eyes were very intent on him. He found a very captivating speck on the floor to stare at as they approached him.  
  
"Now, what have we here?" One said.  
  
"A pretty boy in tights," said Two.  
  
"All by himself," grinned Three. Obi-Wan cleared his throat calmly.  
  
"Ladies, please don't make me ignite my lightsaber in a public place," he said softly in his best persuasive tone. For some unknown reason, they found his request very amusing.  
  
"And just what if we did?" One leaned in closer to him, placed a hand on his thigh.  
  
"Then I think you may find yourself a force to be reckoned with," Obi tried to keep his face expressionless, despite the woman's advancing hand.  
  
"Bring it on, sugar," Two purred.  
  
"Oh look! My destination! Force with you!" Obi muttered hurriedly and bolted for the open door. The three women giggled after him. Where was he? Not as many skyscrapers this time.he exited the station and picked a direction to walk in. He had to figure out what planet he was on. He came across a café full of boxes.small boxes.with lit screens.could these possibly be primitive computers? He entered. A boy very involved in a game of Snood (yes, Snood has crossed all intergalactic boundaries) gave him a once-over.  
  
"How long?" he said.  
  
"Pardon?" Obi inquired.  
  
"How long do you need the computer for?"  
  
"Oh, um, an hour?"  
  
"Three dollars."  
  
"I'm unfamiliar with that currency, but my credits *will* do fine," Obi waved his hand. The teen behind the counter snickered.  
  
"Come back when you've got three dollars."  
  
"Double puff!" Obi stormed out of the café and went in the opposite direction. Where was he going to get this money? But suddenly he heard a sound, a tinkling music, as from a child's toy. He was instantly hypnotized and followed it.  
  
***  
  
Da2187Leia typed out "brb, ice cream truck" to her pal QofNaboo before sticking her head out the window of her apartment.  
  
"GO AWAY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs "NOBODY'S GOING TO BUY YOUR CRAP! YOUR ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE FOAM!"  
  
***  
  
"AWAAAAAAY!" Obi was slightly disturbed by the magnanimous cries that were coming from above him. A truck was making this noise? It had to be a trap! Some kind of psychological torture! With the speed of lightning Obi's lightsaber was ignited in his hand. He pounced on the truck and drove his blade into engine. The tinkling died slowly.  
  
"THANK YOU!" came the call from above. Obi looked up.  
  
***  
  
Guen's eyes widened when two orbs of blue/grey/green looked up at her from two stories below. She'd just witnessed something heavenly. Too much Coca Cola? But the music had stopped, this had to be real.  
  
"Hello up there?" the very Jedi-ish figure called back, "Are you alright?"  
  
"Perfect," Guenever grinned.  
  
"I was wondering if you could tell me how to get some money?" Obi squinted so he could see her better. She looked about his age, big brown eyes, long hair that was dangling out of the window.  
  
"Prostitution."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"I said, um, there must be a solution! Why don't you come up here and I'll see if I can help?"  
  
***  
  
Okay kiddies, now I don't think this is very good, so I've taken a pause and decided to publish. If I get positive reviews I'll continue, if not I'll just let it die. So let me know, should it stay or should it go? (-_- ) 


	2. Kiss Me, I'm Jedi

(-_-) Hello again, so glad you like it. This Chapter is lovingly dedicated to my best bud in the universe, Guenever, for obvious reasons. (- _-)  
  
***  
  
Caitlin noted that Guenever was taking an unusually long time to yell at the ice cream truck. Bing!  
  
Da2187Leia: ah, silenced for good QofNaboo: joy Da2187Leia: g2g, can i come over later? QofNaboo: sure thang, whats up? Da2187Leia: sudden visit from a jedi who needs money QofNaboo: curious. Da2187Leia: itll make sense when i see u QofNaboo: k, ttfn  
  
Well, Cadi thought as her friend signed off, that's interesting.  
  
***  
  
Guendea flicked off the monitor and flew out of her house and down the stairs to open the door.  
  
"Whoa," she breathed and blinked hard. She was conscious, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, or someone very much like him, was at her door. He looked more baby- ish than usual. "How old are you?" she squinted.  
  
"Sixteen, you?" his smooth, distinct voice returned.  
  
"Same," she stared a moment longer, wanting to jump up and down maniacally. She cleared her throat, "So, how much money do you need, exactly?" She led him up the stairs to her apartment. Cautiously, he followed.  
  
"Three 'dollars,' but I'd much prefer access to the Force. My mind whammies don't seem to be very effective on this planet. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure which planet I'm on," he said, sincerely perplexed.  
  
"Earth," she stated, stifling a laugh at him unknowingly quoting C-3PO, "No Force? That sucks."  
  
"Indeed," they entered the apartment. He noticed an alluring purple glow coming out of a darkened room. "Ooh," he said aloud as he peeked inside. The room was aglow with ultraviolet light, stars and devil duckies glowed a ghastly green from all over the room, glitter lamps and a well-placed disco ball sparkled, countless curiously-positioned toys were everywhere, thematic posters consumed the walls. "You sleep here?" he asked upon noticing the spacey-looking bunkbeds.  
  
"Mmhmm," she acknowledged proudly.  
  
"Shibby," he smiled, but he focused on one of the posters and it faded, "Wait a second.that's my Master! And me! Fighting a really scary guy!"  
  
"Um, yes. You're quite famous on this planet," she figured that was the best way to explain it. Not wanting him to be traumatized any further, she decided to change the subject, "So what do you need the money for?"  
  
"Well, I came across a café full of boxes.small boxes.and they look like primitive models of computers.and the boy who was playing Snood says I have to give him three dollars to use a box for an hour. I figure if I get onto one, I can figure out how to get back to Coruscant," he said all in one breath.  
  
"I see," Guen replied, deciding not to mention that she had a "small box" in her living room. "So if I give you three dollars, what will I get in return?"  
  
"Um, my eternal gratitude, and." now this Obi-Wan had to consider. He had nothing material to offer. Suddenly, a particular memory of pulling his intoxicated Master out of a Kissing Booth, along with a jar full of cash, flashed in his mind. It seemed a little too easy."a kiss?"  
  
She frowned. "Just one?" she flapped the three paper bills in her hand.  
  
"A really good kiss?" he stammered.  
  
"Hmmm," Guendea pretended to contemplate the offer carefully, while inside she was ready to pin him against the wall and make it a done deal. How much further could she stretch this out? "How bout this," she said, all business- like, "One, good, three-minute kiss. A dollar per minute."  
  
"Fair enough," he shrugged, eyes already falling on her lips. He took a breath and leaned in.  
  
"Wait a second!" she said, disappearing into the kitchen, reappearing with a plastic thing resembling a vegetable of some sorts. She rotated the upper half, and it started ticking.  
  
"You're TIMING this?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"Gotta get my money's worth," she grinned.  
  
He huffed, "Fine." Their eyes locked for a second, his crystalline gaze sinking into her deep dark pools. Again he leaned in, taking a small breath, his eyes fluttering shut. He felt the brush of her eyelashes on his cheek and the gentle pressure of their lips finally meeting. He angled his head slightly, tightening the lock. Unconsciously, his tongue pleaded for entrance to her mouth. Her jaw relaxed and her lips parted. He delved deeper. His tongue entwined with hers, danced with it. He retracted slightly, focusing his attention on lips once again. Tenderly they enveloped one another, pressing and caressing in a methodical massage. Her lips slowly pulled at his lower one until they had disengaged fully. But that didn't last long. Barely waiting to breathe beforehand, they dove again, tongues exploring every aspect of the other's mouth. Their noses brushed as they quickened their motions-  
  
Be-bee-beep! Be-bee-beep! Be-bee-beep!  
  
Surprised at the interruption, they jumped away from each other. Slowly coming back to reality, Guen picked up the timer.  
  
"Well, those were the quickest three minutes of all time," she muttered, setting the timer down again and turning back to the young Jedi. He was quite fidgety.  
  
He cleared his throat, "So."  
  
"Time jipped me, but a deal is a deal," Guen reasoned, recovering the three dollars from the dresser and sticking it in his tunic. He looked at her with a confused form of gratitude, unsure of what to say. She smiled reassuringly and gave him a pat on the fuzzy head, "Don't worry, you earned your money. It was my pleasure, come back if you need any other help."  
  
"Really?" his eyebrows went up, sincerely pleased.  
  
"Really really. Always a pleasure to meet a Jedi, you know," she said, opening the door for him.  
  
"Wow, thanks!" he gave her a dashing grin and disappeared as she tried to remain cool. As soon as he was out of earshot, Guen locked the door and proceeded to giggle profusely. She had just made out with THE Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
  
***  
  
Obi-Wan strutted down the fairly empty street, back in the direction of the café. He couldn't help but grin. That was the easiest three dollars he'd ever made. Ahh.  
  
And now to see if he could get himself home to brag.  
  
***  
  
(-_-) I do hope everyone enjoyed the makeout scene. I worked very hard on it. Writing a three-minute kiss is quite the trial. Don't forget to review! (-_-) 


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